To be with Jesus...

My Grandmother is dying.

I can not be there with my wife as she has been in the hospital room where she has seen her grandma like nothing she has ever known her to be.

The doctors say she is dying; her body is simply giving out. She has lived a good, long life. She has raised a large family, been a faithful wife, mother, grandmother and great-grandmother.

It is always difficult to have to remove someone from your life. The feelings and emotions that it brings are not easy to navigate. We question, we morn, we doubt, and sometimes...we rejoice.

There is something about my grandmother, you see. She is going to be with Jesus. Her life is not ending; it is beginning. This is also a difficult thing to navigate. What is it like? We cannot understand the passing of this life to the everlasting one. It is scary, exciting, and beautiful all at the same time.

But this is how it is supposed to be. We are meant to be with Jesus.

This is what God had planned and had in mind from the start; for us to be with him. In the garden. Walking there, with him. Now this is possible for us all to do once again. The power of sin which has caused us all to miss the mark has been defeated. There is no longer death. It has "lost its sting."

We can be free. We can be with Jesus, now and to come. He is there, ready to accept, forgive and love. He is the one who can break chains. If we do this, we too, will be with Jesus.

The lover of souls. Who invites us to be with him forever.

So I think about death and temporary things, fragility, sorrow and vulnerability, but not without hope. Not without peace. Not without knowing that death is not the end.

It is the beginning.

...and the sun shines

I realize that I don't have much of a summer. I mean, it's there, sure, but then again it's not. Things don't really slow down; they move faster. Between two long trips for the summer (1 week spent in MN and another 2 in Poland), it's filled with events, meetings, and then planning for the fall. There's much to be done and I get caught up in it most of the time so much so that I feel like my days spent lounging on the beach are few and far between. And this is problem as I like to lounge on the beach. And this is more of a problem since the sun doesn't like to shine much in Michigan.

But now the sun is here and leaving me wanting more. More days to spend in it's warmth and glow. More time to waste taking walks, feeling a warm breeze, eating ice cream, letting my feet sink into the sand beneath the waves, listening to music that ends up defining my summer moments, sitting on the porch reading a book, boating on a lake, taking a bike ride, and so much more.

Where does the time go? Which of course begs the question, what do I do with the time that I do have? What about the time I am given? Will I just waste it? Or will I use it to the fullest with no regrets? We have all time to spend - what will you do? Will it be worth it or just a waste? God has given us TODAY. We are never promised tomorrow, or next week or next month...just...today. Let's make the most of each day, especially this summer when days are lazy and filled to the brim with activity and excitement. And in this excitement, remember the Father and spend time with Him. That, I am sure, would be a most excellent use of time this summer. Where will you spend time with Him?

January updates

Friends & Family~
I thought I would post an update now that's its a few weeks into 2009. Here's what's been happening with us...
Life in General:
Dana has gone back to work after a good, long three months of maternity leave. It was bittersweet (maybe even more bitter for her...?) and she's getting back into the swing of things. The return to work also brings a different schedule inbetween the work days that takes some getting used to - mainly taking care of Judah. A baby truely is a lot of work and responsibility; the effort is worth it all but it does get tiring at times. He's doing great, really, despite the issues with acid reflux. He got onto some better meds (even had a bad trip on one..yikes!) that seem to be helping him keep it under control. He's sleeping through the night mostly which is nice. We'll be making the move to "the room" shortly as he still sleeps next to our bed in our room. He's growing fast and his personality is becoming greater each day - smiles and laughs are amazing. God really provided two wonderful people to help watch him while we both are at work.
Church and Faith:
I've been at Calvary working full time with the High School now for 4.5 years - time really flies! God has been more than good, always providing for us, surrounding us with great friends, and blessing us more than we deserve. I love working with the students, my staff, being creative and musical all the same. Each year I get to see God do amazing things in the lives of students and in me, teaching us all along the way. Recently, we taught an 8 week series last fall called Sounds of a Minor Key based on the minor prophets - a tall order for high school students (much less anyone else) which was much fun. We're gearing up for our winter retreat end of the month at Spring Hill again - always good times. I'm looking forward to hearing Duffy Robins speak (a youth ministry guru of sorts) as well. It's funny at this time of year I start thinking about missions trips again, and although they are months away, I get excited to go once again. Poland has been on my mind a lot lately and it will be good to get back, even if it will be much harder this year being away from both Dana and Judah! I'm still taking a lonely course at a time at Grand Rapids Theological Seminary, which is good but very slow. Maybe sometime I will get to take more classes. God has been teaching me lately to TRUST him. A simple thing at times, but I have been reilizing lately how much I take things into my own hands. I have been trying to go to the prayer room at the church more often for various reasons to pray, but also working on trusting in all things - Judah's health, Dana's job, my job, selling the car, paying bills, etc.
Fun Stuff:
I've been watching a lot of HGTV (I know, kinda weird), but it's fun to get inspired to work on improving the house, of which I have no skills. I'm also enjoying Harry Potter and on the final book (I know I'm far behind here...). My TV coma has kicked in, too, as American Idol sucks my time and LOST consumes me until mid May. Dana and I are already looking forward to warmer weather so we can again start walking through our neighborhood together.

That's it for a quick update on the Kollers in Grand Rapids! We hope and pray this year will be a great learning experience for us in many ways!

100 & 103

I was contemplatively reading through Psalms 100 and 103 today and it struck me in two parts. The first, found in 100, is the very idea that we are to bring God a gift of laughter. We laugh in his presence. We laugh because what he does for us and in our lives is so incredible, our response is the laughter of thanksgiving.

You know the kind. Not the "that's a funny joke" laughter, or the giddy laughter that often finds us between 2-3am...but the kind of laughter that comes from deep inside and comes from the place that says, "I just simply can't believe it." It's the laughter of joy and contentment. And we bring this to God. As a gift.

In this season where giving gifts is on the mind, let us turn our thoughts to this very obscure idea of the gift of laugher.

And as I read this I thought, "Why would I bring God laughter? What would be worth laughing about with God?" I mean, I'm sure God gets a kick out of Dwight from "The Office" just as much as I do, but how is that a gift?

Then I read through 103 and get to the part where it says that God is RICH IN LOVE. That because of this love, "He doesn't treat us as our sins deserve." Wow. It's striking - and you know what? I laughed. When I read this I laughed. Out loud. I couldn't help it. It was so blunt and amazing and what we need to hear everyday, that my response was...laughter.

This is the gift we bring. Let us make this season one not simply of joy, but joyful laughter to our King who holds nothing back, who is rich in love, and who treats us in ways we don't deserve.

Faith & Change or Why Michigan is Actually Cool

So, as anybody who lives or has ever lived in Michigan knows, the weather is as unpredictable as Brittany Spears. Just last week we enjoyed temps in the 60s and then it snowed. Now it's cold and windy...blowing all the leaves off the trees and into my yard. My initial reaction to this (besides being lazy) is to simply let the leaves stay on the ground and forget about it. This never works as it snows on top of them and then in the spring my yard ends up looking even worse than it did the year before. So this week I spent a couple hours raking and bagging the leaves.

As I raked I listened to a message from Erwin McManus. It really struck me. He was talking about all these questions people have about God and Christianity and why this or that - very good questions that people wrote to him about. This particular message he addressed the issue of faith - why do we need it, what good is it, why does God require faith in him and not just give us physical evidence, etc.

Erwin said faith is nonsense. Not that it doesn't matter, but that it is literally a "non-sense." We can't use any of our 5 senses to understand it or comprehend it. That's what makes it so beautiful and yet so difficult. We can't really grasp it, but we know it's there. God could easily show up and give us a sign, speak to us, provide a miracle - whatever - but he chooses (and has chosen) to use faith. Erwin then went on a took a tour of many places in the Bible where he explained why God uses faith as the connection to him. And he finished by talking about this passage:

I Corinthians 4:
"Therefore, since through God's mercy we have this ministry, we do not lose heart. Rather, we have renounced secret and shameful ways; we do not use deception, nor do we distort the word of God. On the contrary, by setting forth the truth plainly we commend ourselves to every man's conscience in the sight of God. And even if our gospel is veiled, it is veiled to those who are perishing. The god of this age has blinded the minds of unbelievers, so that they cannot see the light of the gospel of the glory of Christ, who is the image of God. For we do not preach ourselves, but Jesus Christ as Lord, and ourselves as your servants for Jesus' sake. For God, who said, "Let light shine out of darkness,"made his light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Christ.
But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus' sake, so that his life may be revealed in our mortal body. So then, death is at work in us, but life is at work in you.

It is written: "I believed; therefore I have spoken."With that same spirit of faith we also believe and therefore speak, because we know that the one who raised the Lord Jesus from the dead will also raise us with Jesus and present us with you in his presence. All this is for your benefit, so that the grace that is reaching more and more people may cause thanksgiving to overflow to the glory of God.

Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal."

Good stuff. And yet as I'm listening to this message about faith and raking these leaves I could help but think of the changing of the seasons, the changes life brings such as my new son, and just change in general. I used to think I was a fan of change - I would embrace it and root for it. But as I grow older, I find that my reaction to change has, well, changed. For me, some things are hard to change from. Attitudes, feelings, habits, hobies... why is it so hard to let go, to experience something new?

And since this past summer, I've been confronted by God with a couple of major areas of change. I've prayed about them, I've talked myself blue in the face over them, I've lost sleep over them - and at the core of these issues is, among other things, change. So I'm thinking, where is my faith? Why don't I work out my "non" sense more? Maybe we think we have faith until we get put into situations that really require true faith in God.

Whatever the case, the leaves keep changing...Michigan is pretty cool for having seasons that change to help remind us of the change in our lives and of the faith it takes to get through it all.